A melancholy story of love, longing & yearning.
Sadness is beautiful.
The shadows of our happiness, our joy, and our unbridled emotion, are beautiful. The echoes in-between are irresistible. The concept—the privilege—of longing for someone who is no longer there, who wants to be there but can’t, and the feeling of wishing you could sink your teeth into the memories you’ve forged for minutes, days, years…
Nothing compares.
I was writing a passage of fiction for one of my novels-in-progress when the idea spurred. The image came to me before I could stop it: a young, grieving woman in a white dress, penning a note to a lover who wasn’t there, but wished to be. Her ring, gleaming on her finger. Her hair, messy and tumbling over her shoulders. Her silhouette a canvas of shadow and light.
I’m in the process of rebuilding everything from the ground up. Everything.
That includes my portfolio. I want my work from now on to reflect what I’ve always wanted. I’m relentlessly hard on myself, and always want to push, push, push—especially when a vision slaps me in the face like a runaway train.
So when I imagined this story, I couldn’t let it go. I wanted to explore the idea of an eloping bride grieving, yearning, and dreaming for her loved one. I wanted to see how beautiful it could be—how haunting, how stunning, how unbelievably uncomfortable—it could be to represent that idea.
In an industry full of flash, glamor, and noise, I wanted to do something fucking different.
While art is subjective, I can comfortably say these are my personal favorite portraits I’ve taken so far. I want the next wedding I document, the next engagement, the next anything to encompass the range of emotion the model, Charli, and I brought out of each other in this storytelling session.
But more on that later.
For now…
A collaboration between photographer and model with real, tangible emotion at its center. Not acting—feeling.
I posted an ad about this concept a few weeks before Charli responded. She’s beautiful and talented, of course, but what drew me to her was the energy in our first conversation. I told her the concept, braced myself for rejection, and got a delighted response of:
“I love, love, love that concept. We have to do it. And, honestly, I can relate to it a little, too…”
That was when she told me about her own personal story with her partner, Gabriel, who is frequently away as part of his commitment to the military.
With this overlap of personal storytelling and real emotion, we were able to draw that out of one another and allow the story to write itself.
Like with all of my sessions, weddings, and portraits, I envisioned this as a cinematic story. A collection that began with a prologue, traveled through interludes and chapters, and ended with an epilogue.
This is the outcome.
Prologue
The bride prepares for the ritual she’s promised herself. She takes in her reflection. The mirror reveals a side to her she’s not sure she knows. The necklace, a gift. The dress, purchased in a fleeting moment between herself and the man she loves. If only he could see her now.
Chapter I: Longing
She longs to feel him. To see him. To breathe in his presence. She wishes for the chance to hold his hand. Feel his eyes on her. Relish another second, another moment, where the world silences itself and the only thing that exists are the two of them. The fabric presses under her fingers. His soul calls to her from the other side. She closes her eyes. For some semblance of touch. Is that his voice? Can he see her—feel her—too?
Chapter II: Reaching
The indentation of her words carries a weight she doesn’t want to bear. Ink spells out the words she wishes she could stay. She could write for hours. For days. Every letter brings her closer to a memory. Every word ignites a feeling only he could bring her. How cruel of him to be gone, now. She hopes—needs—the indentation of every letter, on every page, to reach him. He would not have the luxury of forgetting.
Chapter III: Searching
Hearing your lover’s whisper in the air when he’s not fucking there… there is nothing crueler than that. She gets up, because it can’t be possible. What she hears isn’t there. She knows. It can’t be possible, but she must know. She must see with her own eyes. She sets aside her letters. They remain unfinished. Unbottled. Unsent. She forgets them. Walks across the loft where they were meant to read their vows. Meant to promise their souls to one another forever. Her heart rabbits within her chest. A sob climbs up her throat. She wells it down. Still, she looks…
Chapter IV: Waiting
He’s not here. She should’ve known.
What will it take? How long will this last?
When will he return?
When will she feel him?
See him?
When will it stop?
Chapter V: Dreaming
No more tears.
Her self-promise echoes in her mind. She returns to the mirror. She will feel him, whether or not he is here. She will see him. She will think of him. He is with her, even when he doesn’t seem to be. She will touch him. She will hear him. She will see him—
A knock on the door draws her thoughts.
She dares to look back.
She walks toward the draped entryway…
Epilogue
If you liked this story…
… and you’re longing for a story-driven engagement session, creative portraits, or wish for a narrative-minded photographer to immortalize your intimate wedding or elopement…
Get in touch with me below.
Thankful you’re here.
- Taylor
Venue: Atelier Tacoma
Model: Charli Baumbaugh
Photographer: Living Ghosts by Taylor Barnes
